By CHARLY MARKKWART
Have you ever realized how much energy it takes to hold a grudge? I never did, until I read a health article this week on the top nine things that “zap our vitality” and leave us struggling to find the get-up-and-go that our busy lives require. I came across it by mistake, but eager for a way to beat the tired workday blues and regain my productivity, I quickly read on past that headline, hoping to learn something new about just where all of my well-intended energy could be disappearing to.
As I scrolled through the list, I recognized all of the typical energy-stealing culprits: large meals, addiction to e-mail, boredom, poor posture and too much time spent living in artificial lighting. But then, at the bottom of the page came an unexpected note that inspired me to think about things far more important than the long-lost vigor I had hoped that article would help me to recover.
“It takes a surprising amount of energy to remember whom you have a grudge against, and to continually update the faults, missteps and things you're mad about,” the ninth item on the list instructed. “Anger, resentment, grudges — all of these emotions are toxic, and we hang on to them in our bodies, especially in tense, tired muscles.”
What a revelation, to learn that maybe some of the tenseness, stress and fatigue that sometimes hinder our ability to function proficiently could be our bodies' reaction to the harsh feelings we keep stored inside long after someone has done us wrong. But, more than helping me to see that there are solutions for that overwhelming lack of energy, this new knowledge helped me to realize a greater truth: that we weren't created to hate, resent, or hold grudges against our fellow man.
Apparently, just as polluted air is bad for our lungs and fatty food is unhealthy for our hearts, these feelings of anger and bitterness are like poison to our minds and souls; they steal the natural peace and contentment with which we were intended to live and force us into a constant state of tension and strain that our bodies just weren't meant to endure. As far away as we have allowed ourselves to get from this purpose, I believe that we were created to love, and designed to forgive, no matter how very difficult that task may be.
Of course, intentionally or not, people are going to hurt us. Their actions are going to raise our ire, and they're going to make us feel as if we could never, ever let go of the pain or anger we feel at the time.
But, in truth, we can, and we should forgive. We are all flawed individuals, and if we hold others up to a standard of perfection, we are surely only choosing to ignore the many wrongs that we have committed along the way. And, when we stubbornly hold on to that anger and resentment, we are only robbing ourselves of the serenity for which we all long, and the valuable friendships we could be cultivating with the ones who hurt us so long ago.
A wise man once said that “holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” I know from experience that that is a very tough lesson to learn. A desire to get even with those who have wronged us seems to be human nature, and it is often overwhelmingly difficult to even think of forgiving the ones who cause us pain. But, as hard as it is, forgiveness, in the long run, is far easier than living with the effects of the unjust grudges that we work so hard to cling to.
I remember an episode of “The Andy Griffith Show” in which two young Mayberry lovebirds ask Andy to marry them. It seems a simple request at first, but the plot thickens as the respective fathers of the bride and groom stand firmly in the way of the marriage, referring to a long-held feud between the two families.
Naturally, the level-headed Sheriff Taylor steps in, trying to uncover the root of the feud and find a way to clear the wedding path of the young couple before it's too late. And, as always, Andy comes through, helping the stubborn fathers to see that they don't even remember why they'd been fighting for so long, or just what caused the deep-rooted hatred they thought they were supposed to feel for one another.
We probably don't like to admit it, but I think we're sometimes just as foolish and stubborn as those black-and-white characters when it comes to the grudges we hold against our own neighbors and friends. I know that I am.
This week, though, an unexpected lesson taught me that's not how we're supposed to live. Now, one forgotten grudge at a time, I hope we'll all take heed to that invaluable message of forgiveness.
— “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: But, until seventy times seven.” — Matthew 18:21-22.
CharLy Markwart is a Princeton Times reporter. Contact her at cmarkwart@ptonline.net.
