Jed Lockett
August 11, 2009 will be a significant date in Princeton Rays history — not because of anything that will happen on the field, but because of what is scheduled to happen off of it.
The Rays are running three promotions that night, two being a projection keylight giveaway and Kraft Singles Tuesday night tickets night. But the other one, Outdoors Sports Night, is significant because it did not come from inside the P-Rays’ braintrust.
It came from Princeton schoolteacher Christie Cook, who submitted an entry of “A Salute to Sportsmen Night” into a “Fans Design a Promo” contest and won a check for $100.
The second-place entry was Princeton resident Jaimie Morehead’s “Baseball...Heart of America Night,” and third went to Mark Morehead’s “Hippie Night.” (Incidentally, the Rays will host a “Dress Groovy Hippie Day” on Sunday, Aug. 23.)
Now these ideas are all good. But every minor-league baseball team wants their promotions to be noticed by casual fans that do not attend games regularly. That means thinking much further outside the batter’s box.
So in the fun-loving spirit of the minor leagues and a desire to see more fans experience a game at Hunnicutt Field, I present several original promotional ideas in 200 words or less that the P-Rays are free to use for absolutely nothing. These are actual ideas I had for submission into the contest and they conclude with my actual contest entry.
Some are local, some are topical, all have the potential to be memorable. (By the way Baby Birds fans, your team is free to use any of these ideas too.)
° Jaded Misfits Night. Nothing says minor-league baseball quite like roller derby. And there is no roller derby team quite like the Green Valley Jaded Misfits. Comprised entirely of area residents, the Misfits are bringing the rock back to rock and roll.
Of course the centerpiece of this promotion would be a chance for fans to meet, greet, get autographs from and take pictures with the Misfits. A different Misfit would assist with each of the between-innings games, team-related prizes would be awarded and a special playing of Jaded Misfits Plinko would give one lucky fan the opportunity to win a gift certificate for Skatetown Green Valley as well as two tickets to the Misfits' next bout.
The Misfits would serve two purposes. In addition to local fan support, they could also take care of any unruly fans with a well-timed clothesline. They are not just providing celebrity, but also security.
But that is all during the game. After, a track would be set up in the parking lot behind Hunnicutt Field for the Misfits to take on an out-of-town team. It is two games for the price of one, a night that would be a total bash.
° Joel McHale Appreciation Night. The time has come for the snarkiest — and funniest — man on television to be honored with his own minor-league promotional night. As the host of the popular E! show, “The Soup”, McHale deserves the honor in many ways.
Every fan that brings three cans of soup to donate to a local food pantry as well as everyone named either Joel or McHale would get into Hunnicutt free of charge. That is where the fun starts.
Fans would be greeted by a continuously-running clip of Ann Curry bidding them, “Good morning, good morning everybody, in the news this morning, good morning.”
They can have their pictures taken next to a three-foot tall life-sized cardboard cutout of Ryan Seacrest, participate in a CSI: Miami Horatio Caine sunglasses-off, listen to Kendra Wilkinson's laugh over the public address system whenever an opposing player strikes out, and join the spaghetti cat at the concession stand for some chicken tetrazzini.
During the game there would be trivia on Miley Cyrus news (It's Mylie!), a game called “Shave Spencer's Creepy Flesh-Colored Beard”, and Soup Plinko where the contestant can win money towards their own Chihuahua named Lou. Delicious.
° Chloe O'Brian Bobblehead Night. When Jack Bauer needs tech support, she is the one person he calls. Now the first 500 fans at this game will be able to have Chloe in their lives forever with a figurine featuring the beloved “24” character scrunched over a laptop sporting her famous smirk.
The giveaway is just the start. There will also be a pregame frown-off, a between-innings socket opening race, and CTU Plinko where one lucky fan could win DVD sets for every season featuring the computer specialist.
But this night cannot be about Chloe alone. There must also be some political intrigue. During the third inning, P-Rays general manager Jim Holland would be impeached and the fans would elect a new one. During the sixth inning, that person would be impeached and replaced with another person voted in by the fans. Then at the end of the eighth, Holland would perform a coup d'etat to oust the other person voted in and retake his position.
Throw in some timely sound effects (the “24” beeping is a must) and this night will be a sure knockout — like when Chloe tased that guy at the bar.
Done right, these are all potential award-winning promotions. But there is one idea that is so ingrained in today’s culture, so surefire, that it begs to be put on.
Here is the contest entry in its entirety:
Are your promotions so boring, your fans have started snoring? Then host an evening your fans will think is just right! Make Aug. 11 “Why is Billy Mays Yelling At Me Night!”
It begins with all people named Billy or Mays getting in free! But whether from Danville or Princeton, there will be plenty to see! On this night, the giveaways will be ample, and it all begins with the first 500 fans getting a free Oxi Clean sample! Got old uniforms that are ripped and torn? The Mighty Mendit station will make them look like they had never been worn!
At the concession stand, your patrons will discover the craze sweeping the nation when they bite into mini burgers cooked on the Big City Slider Station! Make Mighty Putty, the Awesome Auger and What Odor? Prizes for a P-Rays Plinko round! And in-between innings, make playings of these items’ commercials abound!
And if the weather should become a pain, give your fans free Zorbeez and invite them to help soak up the rain!
There is only one thing that is best with baseball and the Princeton Rays, and that is television spokesman Billy Mays! So don’t delay, order today!
Jed Lockett is a sportswriter for the Daily Telegraph and he was saddened that he did not have room to mention Mighty Putty, the Gopher, Orange Glo, Kaboom!, the Hercules Hook, the Omni Dual Saw, Impact Gel, the Tool BandIt, the Steam Buddy, iCan insurance, or the Grater Plater in his contest entry. Send your promotional ideas to him at jlockett@bdtonline.com.
