Columns
March 19, 2010
Despite squabbles, sisters’ relationship hinges on support
Despite squabbles, sisters’ relationship hinges on supportThere they sat, despite age and inclination, my teenager and my sporty ’tween, surrounded by a cast of American Girl dolls, a complete wardrobe of clothing and accessories, and a collection of furniture, including a four-poster bed and a large plastic bathtub. They patiently brushed ratty hair, fashioned various outfits, and chatted about the comparative value of the memories versus the eBay potential.
My youngest had spent a portion of the weekend helping me determine what toys to finally dispose of and which to keep. The collection of American Girl dolls were the largest investment and required the greatest consideration. Now, it was a team effort involving both girls, deciding what would be kept as family heirlooms and what would be given away or sold. Unexpectedly, the value assessment turned into an old fashioned play time.
I’d been thinking recently about how my girls are like that Dr. Doolittle creation, pushmi-pullyu (pronounced “push-me-pull-you”). In the books by Hugh Lofting, the pushmi-pullyu is described as a cross between a gazelle and unicorn with two heads (one of each animal) at the opposite ends of its body. Long before computer animation made 10-foot tall blue people a movie screen possibility, the 1967 musical film starring Rex Harrison portrayed the animal as a two-headed llama. In the more recent Eddie Murphy version, the imaginary animal only had a background role.
In any book or screen version, the animal struggles with forward motion because both heads want to go in opposite directions. According to encyclopedia.com, the pushmi-pullyu can also refer to something which is ambivalent or incoherent.
I think as individuals we may struggle with our own internal pushmi-pullyu, wanting our lives to head in two different directions or being pulled by opposite forces or influences. The tension of the two halves within may cause us to be ambivalent, incoherent and ... immobile.
But I first thought of my girls in a pushmi-pullyu relationship — how they are drawn to and away from each other. When siblings’ personalities and interests are so opposite, then their focus is on two opposing views, drawing them in different directions. Still, they are bound and connected by their common blood, their shared history and memories, and their family love. They may be squabbling one moment and hugging the next. They may sneer a teasing insult in one breath and sing in harmony the next.
Although I relish the luxury of walking away from the kitchen after dinner to leave them with their chore, my favorite part of their clean-up routine is listening to them chatter, laugh and sing. It is some of the best bonding time a 15-year-old and 11-year-old can find when their age, grade level, and personalities take them down divergent paths.
They remind me of the pushmi-pullyu because they want to be independent and separate from each other but they also require the connection and support of the other, just like the two-headed animal with one body. Also, they’ve recognized that that their contrasting characteristics can be an asset. They can share their experience, perspective and inclinations with each other, learning from one another what is not innate.
I love observing traits within this sisterly pushmi-pullyu that appear to be inherited from other family members. I can see glimpses of my father, my sister, my in-laws, my husband and myself. Somehow, it all blends into one person and one personality with a powerful connection to this other special person ... a sister.
While we can focus on the argumentative nature of a two-headed creature, there are some positives to consider: Someone’s always got your back. Someone’s always alert to what you may not see. Someone’s always there for you. Someone way be able to push you or pull you where you need to go.
The world can be a wild place, populated with animals which are more real and much scarier. I’m grateful that my beloved pushmi-pullyu creature can rely on each other in the many years to come.
Jaletta Albright Desmond is a self-syndicated columnist who writes about faith, family, and the fascinatingly mundane aspects of daily life. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and two daughters. Contact her at jdesmond@bdtonline.com
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